African Friends and Money Matters #25

02Jul09

Over the past few months I have been reading a book called “African Friends and Money Matters.” In this book, by David Maranz, there are 90 observations made about how Africans and Westerners use their resources.

I just wanted to share my thoughts on #25, A Network of Friends is a Network of Resources.

On of the major thoughts embedded deep within the mind of an African is that friendship is based on a sharing of resources. “More friends means more security,” is the opening line of this observation. For an African the more people I know the more resources I have to call on when this are not going well. In the West most people are self supported through their own efforts or savings or government programs, but here in Africa there is not always these helps so they rely on one another in hard times.

This idea greatly effects the view of what a friend truly is in the mind of an African.

For example, because Westerners tend to be better off, they seek friendship not out of a physical need, but instead more of an emotional need. As Westerners we are almost offended when someone comes to us and ask for money because they need to by groceries at Kroger. This type of gift is usually given during a special time of year like Thanksgiving or Christmas and it is not to our friends, but more to someone else in the community or other side of town. In moat African nations, the friendship is established because of a need. In fact, a friendship is tested by the giving and receiving of resources, in most cases money. In contrast, a Westerner builds relationships because of the enjoyment of someone as a person. Sure there is some exchange of gifts during a birthday or Christmas, but for the post part they are as Maranz states “symbolic” of a deeper relationship.

This causes some really big problems when Westerner moves to Africa. There is a different understanding of what a friendship is and how they function.

My first few weeks in Uganda in 2007 I had many people coming to me and asking for money, even the people who I thought were good friends. I know realize that these people where not under valuing the relationship, but I was not understanding what was truly happening, they were trying to build a relationship their way.

Maranz does say that for a newcomer into a community may not be able to tell which requests are legitimate and which ones aren’t so there is balance and wisdom that needs to be there.

There is also mention of how relationships need to be reciprocal in an African society, but being a Western it is very difficult to ever be seen as the one in a relationship who has greater needs then the one giving. Therefore there is an imbalance in the system.

So what is the balance between how to have a good friendship with an African? Is it possible to truly have a deep, good relationship with my brothers and sisters while we are over here? What would the relationship look like?

I am not writing this as a complete thought because I am still digesting this idea and how it applies to my life everyday. I just wanted to share some of my own thoughts and see if anyone else had any other input.

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Tags: culture, thoughts, Uganda